Ooooooh, etiquette… my other unfavorite thing to have to discuss. (Sigh!) None of this should need saying, and, as the lovely and delectable gentleman that I know you are, you certainly already know all of it. Still, as your American poet Robert Frost put it, “good fences make good neighbors,” and all expectations should be made crystal-clear, so please do read all of this. Afterward, if we can’t agree on these particular fences, please seek another happiness consultant’s company. And if we can, a peaceful time together is virtually assured!

For our initial contact, I’d adore knowing who you are, when you’d like to meet, and your verification information. This could be by email or — best of all! — by using the booking form which you’ll find under the “booking” tab, as everything is gathered in one convenient place there. Your polite and discreet special requests are always welcome; please include them there. Crude explicit or late-night calls or texts? Ahhh… no. Let’s skip those, please. I mean it. No calls or texts after 11:00 pm as I will not be available to respond. Please refrain from calling and use text or email to inquire as those are the preferred ways for an initial inquiry and request a callback.

Within the first five minutes of our meeting, please place my correct compensation, in an envelope, on the table or countertop where I can easily see it. Never, never, never discuss or even mention my compensation. Any compensation talk will instantly end our consultation. Also, please be respectful of my time as our scheduled time comes to a close. If you wish to extend our time, just ask… I may have additional time available. If so, add to my compensation, again without discussion of any kind.

Do you feel inclined to give a lovely and gratuitous gift? Of course, I’m delighted — what lady isn’t? A gift is both a kind gesture on your part and a wonderful remembrance of our time together. In addition to your time spent with me, I adore lingerie gift cards, day-spa certificates, and e-gift cards, Amazon, Whole Foods or Lowes.

Refreshments can be a lovely added touch to our time together. Please let me know in advance of any particular refreshment requests that you may have. If you wish to provide some refreshments, such as bottled water or soft drinks, please keep them unopened with seals intact.

And now that we’re on the same page… let’s write us a warm story, shall we?